Poems, Spring 2020

Fire Contained

Quick flurry of birds

out of tree

signalled the explosion

then the smoke - 

grey and black and billowing

and the machine -

the metal body 

of tractor

disintegrating

before our very eyes

and the eyes of neighbours

and their children. 

Some cars passed 

unwise as it was to risk 

going so close 

to the guzzle

of parts and petrol.

As we ran

I pictured scar tissue 

and a vacancy appeared 

in my chest 

just had we spoke

about all that had been given 

just as soon as 

in that moment

all could have been taken 

away.

Now I burn logs 

and candles

because

fire contained

is a beautiful thing

as are most things

when contained. 

_____________________________

On Both Days Mist

The day imbued

with mist shot in streams

blanketed beings

dressed as mountains

and all the gradients 

of a landscape 

stacked up 

and contoured - 

the pitfall at the break 

of a sentence

half thought 

left out of its shell 

suffocates in thin air 

wriggles senseless

unwrapped

the germ of it, forgotten

the root of it all 

seeps

into network 

dug bled and tuned

worried through

and sodden

*

all down and through 

the curves and skirts

- river of thick mist 

replacing estuary

seabed made instead 

once again

and moss laden tree trunks

with bare branches 

reaching upwards

I forgot it was winter

I forgot everything had died 

that

everything had gone to live

underground

so mild has it been 

so popping with colour 

blessed

with roaring sunsets

magenta blood clots 

jubilant

and clouds mottled 

like pattern on wings

_____________________________

Like a Drill

the dread is like a pip

iron-ground

the dread is like 

the metallic sting of a whip 

the tongue so rough

as it sandpapers knots

_____________________________

Hospital Cafeteria

Cream walls

anaesthetised in gloom -

a sticker on the back of a coffee machine - 

‘Please be warned 

this contains a substance 

which is banned in the state of California 

due to birth defects and 

reproductive complications’

I digress

I fill my mouth with plastic

I regress

into a child 

(oh wasn’t she big for her age wasn’t she sturdy couldn’t we all trust her to uphold herself carry herself strong and upright and wisely and wasn’t she clever wasn’t she forceful wasn’t she in charge couldn’t she lead the way couldn’t she be alone hold forth build castles kick them over without crying weren’t they sand wasn’t she pretty in her own tied up closed off nail and barack kind of way?)

Where to put the sadness? 

Where is the dumping ground?

(she eats an ice bun and the icing is white like her cap like her cap which stops the hair from falling astray into breakfast and all very reasonably priced all very fair)

Smell of burnt and jam it is currants it is a toasted teacake

Where to put the sadness!
I suspect this is such a place

for such a suppository 

one of those places

like a tip like a bonfire heap like 

an ocean floor

We sit in orbit around plastic tables made to look wooden 

and everything is clingfilmed 

- torsos and sandwiches  -

the only thing half-real is steam rising from cups 

(which are cardboard)

Grey hair and spotted scalps

thighs and bottoms 

trembling 

like volcanoes (just as profound and unsteady) 

A man with tattoos on his face

catches me staring

Now I must look down and seem -

(I wonder how much is transparent?)

_____________________________

Spring Roll

wrap me delicate

in rice paper gossamer gauze 

so my organs become 

sweetheart cabbage 

splinters of carrot radish ginger 

dip me in dark salt 

liquid tang

almost unbearable

almost too strong

then I can

swim in your mouth

drown in your stomach 

I am only small

I am only so small

_____________________________

Predator and Prey

I once flew

as both predator and prey

I chased the shadow

of that which hunted me,

the black space

swept across the field

and fear travelled

in the same way

across my heart,

tracked eternal

across forest and plain

never to be

alone again,

trapped

in solitary pursuit

_____________________________

Heart & Lung

Let me stay 

in your feather-down heart

and chest. 

Let me be a curled-up

mollusc,

a cactus, 

a dawn just cracked -

let me be 

thunder just clapped,

a womb freshly woven,

a trickle

of saliva

at midnight

or a slug. 

Let me assume

the role of nature

let me give you more

than anticipated

and less

than we agreed upon

…

in that agreement 

I sensed

the warmth

and promise

of a bedtime breath; 

like dough rising

under damp cloth

by fire expanding

in a glut

of celebration;

a testament

to the lungs

and their steady

beating

wings.