In Ways I Did Not See
He came to me and asked 'Are you
adventurous?'
He came to me in a knitted yellow hat
and we danced like children drunk on skittles.
He came to me on a cloud and we married
in the sky.
He came to me from childhood and
reminded me of my brother.
He came to me at Christmas.
He came to me wrapped in sheaths and
bows.
It came to me later, 'You are black
coffee sweetened.'
He came to me unannounced and I had to
admit that I was strong.
He came to me fifty, a hundred times,
and said to me,
I am the frail predator, the
sunflower seed, the sweating joint, the creaking floor, the want, the
satchel filled with acorns, the chicken bone lifting up the firm
pin-cushion, the straddle and shove of elbows in crowds, the echo in
a football stadium, the matted hair, fairly parted.
I am the darkened room, the fresh
departed, the lightbulb flicker, the grinding blindness of a
dentist's chair, the tight fit, the weapon of security, the shoulder,
the shrug, the condensation of honey on whiskers.
I am brass knuckles, the fear of
being dainty, the long enslaved gulping of breasts, razor rashes, the
grease off a chain, stuck rubble, the engine and all its mischief,
the intricacy of a map untangled – all rivers and roads stretched
out to line the pitch.
He begged and begged to pick lace off
the floor, in a sweeping hedgehog roll, leaves stuck to the beard,
the beard stuck to the teeth, the leaves and sawdust and toenails
turning to mulch underfoot.
I crept to the end of the bed, the
springs rising up into lily pads and murky waters.
I prayed while we skipped around the
maypole, rigid and bountiful, 'Yooww, yoooowww, slow, slow, slow.'
___________________________
Beauty
Oh there
are beauties, they come out of me like golden claws.
Rabid
and glittering.
Down
spiderweb strings, flowing, cascading, bouncing, falling, bouncing,
falling, cascading on those strings, from one bounce, from the
corners of the living room to the corners where life gets serious.
A river
runs in plaster.
The sun
comes out to shine.
Nothing
to do but go outside – feel hunger as a call to enjoyment.
____________________________
Pink
Broken glass
in the balcony sink,
a potato, fossilised,
with cigarette butts stuck in.
*
Chipped nail varnish the colour
of drained peaches,
all fluid let out
like a
slaughtered cow.
____________________________________
The
Square
With
the tan faces of gentlemen past,
Plates
of fried fish
buffered
by lemon wedges.
Quick
strings,
ballads
travel on voices,
unsteady,
they
roll.
Assortments
of grey-green,
limestone,
rock.
Coffee
will be fifteen minutes
so
we wait, patient as guests.
Misty
skyline behind,
colours
folded like origami.
I
follow promises of vineyards -
award-winning
grapes
grown
by the border.
____________________________________
Veliky Ustyug
You tell
me about China, about the spicy hot peppers in Szechuan, the old
villages with their pagodas, the security checkpoints lining each
province. You're on a business trip in the town of Grandfather Frost.
Behind you, brown floral wallpaper, a wooden dresser. We try not to
smile too much.
______________________________
I love it all
Teeth –
chomping solid in their marvellous arrangement. Tongue – gliding
slick around words and laughter. Mind, galloping and frisky –
latching on, always in hope. Hands, poised around pens and
cigarettes. Beating heart, that flower beneath. My legs, my feet. The
gall, the rust. Deep sea crevices teeming with bacteria and dormant
disease – all of it - I love you all. The fungus, the rot, the
tears, the snot, the hair on my upper lip – all of it – you, you,
you. You – all of you! The bags under eye, the thick severe brows,
the frown, the stare, the smile. I love the awkwardness, the doubts,
the bursts of rage and grief – the strength, the cheekiness, the
addiction to mirrors. I love the natural sides, the superficial
sides, the greed, the careless fucking, the tender need. The
attention to detail, the attraction, the repulsion, the enjoyment,
the discipline. I love the little girl with her tongue stuck out,
performing with a deep canyon inside, cracking deeper, I love it all.
The dreams, the nightmares, the paralysis, the bad decisions, the
companions, the let-downs, the adventures and blizzards and droughts.
The stars aligning and disappearing in an instant – all of it –
every last drop, every petal, every string and button and seam, every
dry riverbed, every pebble and sheet of moss and thunder clap and
shit stain and rabbit tail and car crash. I love you all, whole world
in my belly – it all rushes in, and crescendoes, and dies.
